When Mother's or Father's Day Hurts: Coping with Grief During Family Conflict & Estrangement

Woman meditating on a sunny day with a peaceful view of mountains and green trees.

For many people, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are filled with brunches, greeting cards, and warm family memories. But if you’re estranged, low-contact, or no-contact with your parents, these holidays can stir up a deep and complicated kind of grief. You may feel sadness, guilt, anger, or even relief - sometimes all at once. If you’re grieving a distant or broken relationship this season, know this: you are not alone.

1. Your Grief Is Valid—Even If the Relationship Is Complicated

Grieving the loss of a relationship that never became what you needed it to be is deeply painful and that pain often resurfaces around significant cultural moments. Mother's Day and Father's Day can amplify feelings of grief, loss, and longing, especially when we're surrounded by messages celebrating perfect, loving parents. These holidays can serve as painful reminders of the support and connection you didn’t receive, or of relationships you’ve worked hard to repair without success.

You may find that your emotions come in waves. Some years may feel gentler, while others hit unexpectedly hard, often triggered by a commercial, a social media post, or a well-meaning comment. This is normal. Grief around family estrangement or conflict is real, even if others don’t fully understand it.

People who haven’t walked your path may try to minimize your pain or encourage reconciliation, not realizing the depth of what you’ve experienced. They may not see the severity of the hurt or recognize how hard it can be to take care of yourself. Your story is valid, and your choices are worthy of respect, even if others don’t understand them.

Ambivalence and confusion are normal parts of estrangement. You may love your family and miss them, even while knowing that staying distant is what’s healthiest for you. These mixed emotions—grief, guilt, love, anger—are a big part of what makes family estrangement so complicated and painful.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Tune Out of Social Media

During times like these, social media can feel especially painful. It's where people post the best, most curated versions of their lives. That “perfect family” photo doesn’t show the full story, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you for not having the same.

Consider taking a break from social media in the days surrounding Mother's Day or Father’s Day. You’re not avoiding your feelings; you’re protecting your peace.

3. Do What Feels Authentic to You

There is no “right” way to spend these holidays. If you don’t feel like celebrating, you don’t have to. If it feels right to send a card or a small gift without engaging further, that’s okay too. Some people create quiet rituals, journal their thoughts, light a candle, or simply let the day pass like any other. Others choose to celebrate found family or caregivers who stepped into those parental roles.

What matters is doing what feels emotionally safe and authentic for you. It’s okay to create your own meaning, or none at all.

4. Spend the Day with People Who Support You

Connection doesn’t have to come from your family of origin. You can spend time with friends, your chosen family, your partner, your kids, or even yourself. You might plan something fun, relaxing, or meaningful, like volunteering for a cause you believe in or starting a new tradition.

Creating new memories can be healing, and it sends a powerful message: you are allowed to choose who and what you give your energy to.

5. It's Okay to Set Boundaries Between Your Family of Origin and Your Own Family

If you're a parent yourself, you might feel caught in the middle, wanting to enjoy the day with your children and partner, but also feeling pressure (or guilt) about not spending it with your own parents. This can be especially tough if your relationship with your family of origin involves conflict, hurt, or unresolved trauma.

You’re allowed to separate your role as a parent from your role as a child. You might choose to celebrate on a different day, or not at all. You can honor your current family’s needs while still holding space for your own feelings and grief.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Holidays can stir up a lot, especially when your family relationships don’t look like the “ideal” versions celebrated in the media. I specialize in helping individuals and couples heal from family conflict, childhood trauma, and estrangement. 

You deserve compassion, healing, and peace. 

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What Happens in a Therapy Consultation?

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Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming. It’s natural to feel a little nervous about meeting someone new—especially when the conversation is about something as personal as your mental health. A consultation call can add to that uncertainty, especially if you're not sure what to expect or what you're supposed to get out of it. What does it really mean when a therapist offers a consultation to “see if it’s a good fit”?

Let’s break down what typically happens during a consultation call, and how you can use that time to make sure you're finding the right therapist for your needs.

Do Your Goals Match Their Expertise?

One of the first things a therapist is likely to ask is what brings you to therapy. Because consultations are brief, you won’t have time to dive into every detail—but that's okay. Try to focus on the key concerns you want help with, and listen to how the therapist responds. This is your chance to assess whether their skills and experience align with your goals.

It’s important to remember: therapists aren’t here to judge you. In fact, many of us feel a bit nervous before meeting new clients, too! These calls are about making sure we can truly support you. While most therapists are trained to help with a wide range of concerns, we also recognize when a client might benefit from someone with a more specialized background.

For example, if someone tells me during a consultation that they’re struggling with depression, anxiety, and problematic alcohol use, I might refer them to a therapist who specializes in substance use. While I work with anxiety and depression, I know that addressing alcohol use first can be crucial—and I want to make sure my clients get the best care possible, even if that means working with someone else.

Does Their Approach Meet Your Needs? 

This is also a great time to ask the therapist whether they have experience with your specific concerns or if they use an approach you’re interested in. Most therapists use an integrated or eclectic style—blending different therapeutic approaches—but they often have particular methods or modalities they favor.

Are you looking for someone who practices cognitive behavioral therapy? Curious whether they incorporate mindfulness or EMDR? Not sure if their style aligns with what you’re looking for after reading their website? Go ahead and ask!

It’s also perfectly appropriate to ask about licensing and training. These details are part of building trust, and a good therapist will be happy to answer your questions. While therapists usually don’t share much about their personal lives (because therapy is focused on you), being clear about their credentials and experience is part of establishing a solid, professional connection.

Does the Relationship Feel Right?

Some people want a therapist who is more direct and challenging; others are looking for someone who is warm and deeply empathic. A consultation is the perfect opportunity to get a feel for a therapist’s style and energy.

Even if you’re not exactly sure what kind of therapy experience you’re looking for, you can still pay attention to how the therapist communicates. Do you feel comfortable? Heard? Understood? That gut feeling can tell you a lot.

And if you do have a sense of what you want from therapy—such as structure, specific techniques, or session format—don’t be shy about asking! A good therapist will be happy to share how they work and explore whether it’s a good match for your preferences.

Are the Logistics a Fit?

Beyond style and expertise, it’s also important to ask about practical details:

• Do they offer in-person, virtual, or hybrid sessions?
  
  

• Do they expect weekly sessions, or is there flexibility?
  
  

• Are extended or shorter sessions an option?
  
  

• If you’re seeking couples or family therapy, do they meet with people individually or only together?
  
  

• What are their cancellation and rescheduling policies?
  
  

These are essential questions to help you figure out whether the therapist’s availability and structure fit into your life.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

A consultation call is a great chance to get clarity, ask questions, and get a real feel for whether a therapist is the right fit for you. You deserve a therapist who sees you, understands your goals, and offers a space where you feel safe and supported.

If you’re looking for someone who works with individuals, couples, and families using a warm, compassionate approach and has experience helping people heal from trauma, I’d love to connect. Schedule a consultation with me, and let’s explore how we can work together to help you move forward.