You Love Each Other But Something Keeps Getting in the Way
Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Austin, Round Rock & Across Texas
For couples who want a research-based approach to strengthening their relationship
When the Arguments Don't Stop and the Real Problems Don't Move
Most couples who come to Gottman Method couples therapy have worked on solving the issues between them with an admirable amount of dedication and creativity. They love each other deeply, however disconnected they may be in the present moment, and something just keeps getting in the way. They find themselves struggling with the same arguments, the same longing for secure attachment and connection, no matter what they have tried. These couples don't want to keep hurting each other or being hurt, but they may disconnect or fight more against the disconnection and it feels like nothing is working.
Whatever brings you here, some of what you are feeling is probably grief. One of people's deepest needs is to be listened to and understood. It may feel like your partner doesn't see who you really are, or it may feel like you really want a deeper connection but it's too scary to let your partner closer.
Some couples feel that the arguments they have don't ever get resolved. You keep trying to be heard and the other person never seems to be willing to meet your needs and it feels like they must not care about what you need or think. Those problems don't mean the relationship is beyond repair, though, they just need to be approached in a different way that will allow both of you to break out of the trenches you are stuck in to find a new way to fight against the pattern instead of fighting each other.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman have spent decades researching what makes relationships healthy and happy, identifying the specific patterns that cause relationships to deteriorate and the interventions that actually reverse them. That research is the foundation of what we do together in therapy, and it means there is a path forward, even when nothing you have tried so far has helped.
Communication Skills Alone Often Aren't Enough
The Gottmans have studied patterns of communication and connection between couples that predict lasting relationships and relationships that fail. Some people have the advantage of growing up in families where these skills were practiced daily and they learned how to develop a secure attachment with others before they even learned to speak, like a fish learns to swim in water. Others of us had families that didn't know those skills because they were working through trauma and hardship, and their parents didn't get exposed to those skills so they weren’t able to pass them on. Struggling with attachment and connection isn't about not trying hard enough; it's about not having had the opportunity to experience secure, loving relationships. Yet those struggles often cause partners to become defensive, feel ashamed, and lash out or withdraw.
The good news is that no matter where you are in your life, it's not too late to learn these skills and form a more secure attachment to each other. Gottman Method therapy views communication skills as tools that can be learned, and situates them inside a research-based framework that addresses what's actually driving the patterns underneath. We look at how trust and friendship can be rebuilt, how entrenched conflicts can be softened, how connection can be restored, and how shared values can be strengthened.
When those underlying conditions improve, connection and secure attachment naturally begin to grow. Rather than treating each argument as a separate problem, the Gottman Method addresses the patterns beneath the conflict. As those patterns change, couples often find themselves feeling safer, more understood, and more connected, not because they tried harder, but because the relationship itself begins to function differently.
Trained in the Gottman Method
I'm Tiffany Savener, and I'm trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 2) through the Gottman Institute. I've also completed the Gottman Institute's Treating Affairs and Trauma training. If infidelity or betrayal is what brings you here, you can read more about how Gottman Method couples therapy helps with affair recovery here.
My approach to Gottman Method Couples Therapy is grounded in the Gottmans' research base and informed by a broader clinical foundation in trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and relational and somatic approaches. Couples come to therapy carrying not just what has happened between them, but what each of them has carried from long before the relationship began. The Gottman framework provides the structure; my training across multiple modalities allows the work to meet you where you actually are.
What to Expect: The Gottman Method Structure
Step 1: Initial Conjoint Session
We meet together to discuss your concerns, relationship history, and goals. If we're meeting virtually, I ask that both partners join from the same location for this first session when possible.
Step 2: Gottman Relationship Checkup
You'll each complete a comprehensive Gottman relationship assessment, a research-based tool that identifies your relationship's strengths, stress points, and areas for growth. This gives us a map rather than just a starting point.
Step 3: Individual Sessions
I meet with each of you separately. This isn't about taking sides. It's about understanding your individual history, attachment patterns, and experience of the relationship without the other person in the room.
Step 4: Feedback and Treatment Planning
We come back together to review what the assessment revealed and build a personalized roadmap. You'll leave this session with a clear picture of what we're working toward and how.
Step 5: Ongoing Therapy
Through structured conversations and trauma-informed interventions, we work on the patterns that your histories have created between you, building emotional safety, deeper understanding of each other's wounds, and the kind of connection that can hold what you've both been through. The Gottman research base shapes the sequence and focus of this work, ensuring that what we address and when is grounded in what the evidence actually shows about how relationships change.
What We Work On Together
Gottman Method Couples Therapy begins with a comprehensive assessment of your relationship, helping us identify your strengths, the patterns keeping you stuck, and the areas that will have the greatest impact on lasting change. Our sessions are organized around the findings, which means we are not guessing at what your relationship needs. We are working from a research-based map of what actually matters.
That map covers the full range of what makes a relationship work: how well each of you knows and is known by the other, the quality of the friendship and emotional connection between you, how you respond to each other's everyday bids for attention and closeness, the patterns that drive conflict and what gets in the way of repair, and the degree to which you share a sense of meaning and direction as a couple. As your therapist, I'm tracking all of it, not just the presenting problem, and the work is sequenced to address each dimension in a way that builds on what came before.
Conflict is often where couples feel the most discouraged, but it is rarely just about the topic they're arguing over. Gottman Method Couples Therapy explores the biology behind why partners become overwhelmed and fall into familiar patterns like criticism, defensiveness, shutting down, or withdrawing. Together, you'll learn to recognize the early signs that you're getting caught in the same cycle and develop practical strategies to regulate your nervous system before the conversation spirals. As conflict slows down and emotional safety grows, it becomes easier to have honest, vulnerable conversations, even about the issues that matter most.
The History You Bring Into Your Relationship Matters
Couples do not arrive in therapy as blank slates. Each partner brings a unique relational history, including early experiences of attachment, the ways they learned to seek closeness or protect themselves from hurt, and the experiences that continue to shape how they respond to one another today.
What looks like a communication problem is often rooted in something much deeper that began long before the relationship. Repeated arguments, emotional disconnection, and recurring conflict often connect back to the ways you learned to handle difficult emotions, navigate closeness, and respond to stress. These patterns may have once helped you cope, but they can now leave both partners feeling misunderstood, disconnected, or alone.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy provides a clear, research-based framework for helping couples strengthen their relationships, rebuild trust, and create lasting change. As a trauma-informed, attachment-based therapist, I also help you understand why these patterns developed in the first place. When deeper wounds are influencing the relationship, we don't just focus on communication skills; we explore the experiences that keep those patterns alive so meaningful change can take root.
This isn't about assigning blame or pathologizing either partner. It's about understanding the full story with compassion. When you understand not only what is happening between you, but why it keeps happening, you can begin building the emotional safety, connection, and security needed for a healthier relationship.
FAQ
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The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman after decades of studying what makes relationships last and what causes them to fail. It is one of the most extensively researched couples therapy models available, and it provides a structured, sequenced framework for addressing the full range of what makes a relationship work, from friendship and trust to conflict management and shared meaning. Rather than focusing on communication skills alone, it addresses the underlying conditions that determine whether a relationship thrives or deteriorates. The good news is that the skills that make relationships go well can be learned and Gottman Method therapy provides tools that help couples be successful with practicing those.
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Most couples therapy focuses on communication techniques. The Gottman Method situates communication inside a much broader research-based framework that addresses what is actually driving the patterns underneath, including the erosion of trust and friendship, conflicts that have been entrenched for years, and bids for connection that go unanswered so often that partners stop making them. It also begins with a comprehensive assessment of your relationship rather than working from the presenting complaint alone, which means the work is grounded in an accurate picture of your relationship from the start.
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The Gottman relationship assessment is a research-based tool that both partners complete at the beginning of therapy. It gives a detailed picture of your relationship's genuine strengths alongside the areas that need attention, a map rather than just a starting point. Rather than guessing at what your relationship needs or working only from what you bring to the first session, the assessment means we enter the work knowing what we are actually dealing with. Couples frequently describe the assessment alone as clarifying, a way of finally seeing their relationship clearly, including the parts that are working.
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Recurring arguments are one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy. Most recurring conflict has roots that go deeper than the presenting argument. Beneath the surface are unmet needs, unacknowledged differences in values or approach, and patterns of communication that were learned long before this relationship began. When those underlying drivers are not addressed, the argument keeps returning because nothing has actually changed underneath it. Part of what Gottman Method Therapy does is help both partners understand what is really happening in those moments and find a way to engage the deeper issue rather than cycling through the same surface argument.
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Yes, and this is one of the most common presentations I work with. Loving each other and repeatedly hurting each other are not contradictory. They often go together precisely because the relationship matters so much. The patterns that cause harm in close relationships are usually not about intent. They are about histories, nervous system responses, and ways of managing closeness and conflict that were shaped long before this relationship began. Gottman therapy provides a framework for understanding those patterns and interrupting them in ways that protect the relationship rather than damage it further.
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Yes, though that work has its own distinct structure. I've completed the Gottman Institute's Treating Affairs and Trauma training, which is a specialized track developed specifically for couples navigating infidelity and betrayal trauma. If that is what brings you here, you can read about how that work is structured on my affair recovery page. The process for rebuilding trust after betrayal is different from general Gottman couples work and deserves its own careful attention.
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It depends on what you are bringing into therapy and what you are working toward. The assessment process alone takes several sessions. From there, the length of treatment varies significantly depending on the complexity of what needs to be addressed, how entrenched the patterns are, and how much ground there is to cover. Some couples work together for six to twelve months. Others work for longer. What I can tell you is that the work is sequenced deliberately, and that each stage builds on what came before, which means the time spent is not time wasted.
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No. Some couples come to Gottman therapy in acute distress. Others come because they love each other and want to build something more intentional before things deteriorate further. The research that underlies the Gottman Method applies equally to both. If anything, couples who begin the work before the relationship is in crisis often find it easier to do, because there is more goodwill and stability to build from.
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That is more common than most people realize, and it does not disqualify you from beginning. Hesitation about therapy often reflects a reasonable wariness based on past experiences, a fear of what might surface, or uncertainty about whether anything can actually change. Those concerns are worth bringing into the room. Gottman therapy does not require both partners to arrive equally enthusiastic. It requires both partners to be willing to show up and find out what is possible.
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Yes. I offer Gottman couples therapy via secure telehealth throughout Texas, as well as in person at my Northwest Austin and Round Rock offices. Both formats follow the same structured approach, including the assessment process and individual sessions.
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Trauma and mental health histories are not obstacles to Gottman couples therapy. They are part of what the work needs to be able to hold. My clinical foundation includes trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and training in complex trauma through Janina Fisher's framework, which means I can recognize when individual histories are shaping relational patterns and address that directly within the couples work. For couples where trauma or relational patterns have affected intimacy and sexual connection, my training in Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy through Tammy Nelson's CSTIP program means that dimension of the relationship can be addressed clinically and directly as part of the work. If you are wondering whether your specific situation is a fit, the best way to find out is to schedule a consultation.
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Yes. The Gottman research base includes same-sex couples, and the method applies across relationship structures, genders, and sexual orientations. I work with couples of all genders and sexual orientations.
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You do not need to have decided to stay together before beginning therapy. Some couples come in knowing they want to work on the relationship. Others arrive still deciding. Some come hoping to save the relationship and discover through the process that they cannot, but find that the work helps them separate with greater understanding and less additional harm. All of those are legitimate reasons to begin. You only need to be willing to find out what is possible.
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In addition to Gottman Method couples therapy, I work with couples navigating specific relational challenges that benefit from a more specialized approach. If trauma histories are significantly shaping how you connect and fight, you can read more about that work on my trauma-informed couples therapy page. For couples recovering from infidelity or betrayal, I offer specialized affair recovery therapy grounded in the Gottman Institute's Treating Affairs and Trauma training, which you can read about on my affair recovery page. I also work with couples navigating empty nest transitions, the relational impact of pornography use and intimacy, and the growing challenge of AI and digital intimacy in relationships.
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Yes. In addition to couples work, I see individual clients navigating the aftermath of betrayal trauma and the relational patterns that can follow high-conflict or narcissistically abusive relationships. If you are working through the impact of a partner's infidelity on your own, you can read more on my betrayal trauma page. If you are making sense of a relationship marked by narcissistic or emotionally abusive dynamics, you can read more on my narcissistic abuse recovery page. I also work with individuals navigating anxiety, depression, and complex trauma and you can learn more on my trauma-informed therapy for individuals page.
Schedule A Consultation
If you've read this far, something here probably resonated. You love each other. You've tried, and the same patterns keep coming back.
That's not a failure of effort or commitment. It's a sign that what's driving those patterns needs a different kind of attention. If you're ready to find out what that could look like, I'd be glad to talk.
Schedule a consultation and let's talk about what's possible for your relationship. If you don't see a time that works, send me an email at tsavener@seekthesun.net and we'll find one.
In-person therapy in Northwest Austin (MoPac & Far West) and Round Rock, TX
Secure virtual therapy available throughout Texas